Parents As Financial Mentors

Kathy M. Kristof in an excellent article in the Los Angeles Times recently wrote about the value of parents becoming what I have termed financial mentors for their children. The article appeared on the front page of the Business section earlier this August. It began with Kathy using a real life illustration with a parent friend of hers:

"David Strauss knew he needed to do a better job teaching his children about money, but the layoff notice he received in January gave it a sense of urgency. He indicated that it made the discussion a lot more real."

"Knowing that the downsizing was coming, Strauss had already started talking to 17-year-old Daniel and 12-year-old Alexandra about wants versus needs and discussing how the family expected to cut back. Strauss further indicated that the kids were much more interested in talking about money now."

The rest of this excellent article went on to show how parents of kids in their teens and preteens could go about being helpful financial mentors to these children.

Begin Early

Kathy was not, however, aware that there is much that parents can do to financially mentor even much younger kids, an issue that I address in my book, The Positive Parent: Raising Healthy, Happy and Successful Children, Birth through Adolescence. There I provide guidelines for Teaching Children to Be Financially Successful and Giving. I suggest and illustrate the following overall approach:

•Begin early in teaching your children the value of money.

•Use four piggy banks in which your children can keep their money – one bank for monies they will spend for themselves, one for saving, one for investing, and one for the money they will give to charities, causes, disaster relief, civic, political and lobbying efforts.

•Teach them about saving and interest.

•Teach them about investments.

•Teach them about charities and causes they can support and about other ways they can use their money for humanitarian purposes.

•Teach them that contributions can be made to political and advocacy organizations as a way of promoting a person’s values and beliefs through supporting and electing like minded politicians, citizen action and lobbying.

•Have your children earn their allowance.

•Teach them how to generate other sources of money.

•Discuss the purchases your children want to make with their money and help them make wise decisions.

•Give and read books on financial literacy to children.

•Give and play games with your children about financial literacy.

•Orient them to financial literacy websites for children.

•Draw their attention to your own budgeting, checking, and credit card, saving, investing and giving activities.

•Involve your children as your assistants in managing household finances, saving, investing and giving.

I also orient parents to a variety of items they can obtain to help in becoming top financial mentors. Here's a list where you can click on the name and learn about and/or purchase the helpful items:

Money Mama Piggy Bank

Money Mama and the Three Little Pigs Children's Book

The Money Mammals: Saving Money Is Fun

The Money Mammals: Value of Money Package

It's Only a Dollar...Until You Add It Up! Allowance Chart

To read the entire article by Kathy Kristof, which has been archived at the LA Times under the title of Giving Kids the Talk About Money, click here.

Parenting and the President - Part 3 - Involving the Obama White House

After developing a National Effective Parenting Plan that pivots around the involvement and support of the President of the United States (see Part 1 in this series), the next step was to figure out how to contact President Obama. Such contacts or access are not easy to come by, and lobbyists and well-heeled special interest groups spend millions of dollars seeking access.

I, CICC and NEPI had previously gained access to the presidents of the last two administrations through finding and following personal contacts and through taking advantage of invitations to the White House for special events. These will be mentioned and described in subsequent articles in this series. Suffice to say that in trying to reach President Obama we are trying similar routes.

As was described in some detail in Part 2 of this series, an aspect of the Plan is to encourage the president to include honoring parents who enroll in and complete parenting programs in the annual Parents Day Proclamation. Parents Day fell this year on July 26th. We began in May of this year to find out who in the Obama White House had some responsibility for proclamations.

We enlisted the offices of our congressional representatives to get us the appropriate contact, as a cold contact to the newly forming White House was likely to result in transfer after transfer. Our idea was to use the contact person that was given to our congressional representative’s office as someone who could subsequently put us in touch with the appropriate policy people who relate directly to the president, such as persons who work on the Domestic Policy Council.

The preferred mode of relating to the contact person who handled proclamations was via email. That person not only brought our ideas about the proclamation to the attention of the group who decides about such public communications, but also indicated that he would locate for us an appropriate staff person to whom we could share the entire Plan.

Then to our great surprise and disappointment, our contact person reported back that it was decided NOT to issue a Parents Day Proclamation. We tried to convince them that this was a poor decision, as it made President Obama the first president in history to not issue such a proclamation. This certainly seemed a contradiction for a president who has spoken so eloquently about the importance of parents in the lives and futures of children.

We, of course, have no idea whether the president himself or the first lady were involved in such a decision.

In terms of the other aspect of the Plan that has to do with acknowledging parents for participating in parenting programs, the issuing of Certificates of Appreciation, we have not had an opportunity to discuss this yet.

Medal of Freedom Contact

We continue to pursue whatever avenue of access that comes our way and are confident that it is just a matter of time before we get the ear of the President, the First Lady or someone in the policy making chain of command. Indeed, just last week we had a representative bring to a White House event packets of information about the Plan and related documents, brochures and DVDs. The event was the ceremony to award Medals of Freedom to national and international dignitaries. Our representative was a family member of one of the Medal recipients.

We have been informed that the packets were passed on to people who are senior advisers and who have indicated that they will share them directly with the President and the First Lady.

Subsequent articles in this series will report on this promising contact situation.

The next few articles of this series will be devoted to explaining the other aspects of the Plan, such as the idea for a White House Conference on Effective Parenting and the multi-faceted Effective Parenting Initiative that is being proposed.

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How You Can Be Involved...

You can participate by commenting on this and future articles in The Parenting and the President series.

You can become supportive through letting the world know that it would be a better place if all children were raised by effective and sensitive parents who receive excellent parenting education. You can express such sentiments through signing our online Effective Parenting Petition (check here).

And /or you can become a member and supporter of the NEPI, the National Effective Parenting Initiative.

There are three types of memberships available, each of which has its own series of educational benefits and involvement opportunities. Click on the membership type you are most interested in learning about:

• Parent Membership
  
• Professional Membership
  
• Organization Affiliate

Your membership dues are not only used to provide the member benefits but to also support the various advocacy actions that are needed to bring these important matters to the attention of the president and the public in general. This entire effort is of a grassroots nature and membership dues, and funds that have been contributed to CICC over the years, are the only monies that are supporting it now.

For those of you who want to make a financial contribution but do not want to become members of NEPI, you can support this grassroots effort by making a tax-deductible contribution to CICC.

Click here to donate.

Parenting Programs, Culture and Being Well-Educated

Being well-educated (bien educados) has several meanings in the homes of children of Hispanic descent. In a meaning that is particularly important in such homes, it often refers to being educated in a social and interpersonal sense, such as knowing ones place and role in the family, and being respectful to others and particularly respectful to elders. It can also mean being well-educated in an intellectual and academic sense, such as maintaining and achieving high grades and academic standards.

These meanings are brought to the forefront in a child management program designed especially for parents of Hispanic children, the Los Ninos Bien Educados Program of the Center for the Improvement of Child Caring (CICC). The first session of this 12 session program begins by an exploration of the meaning that the parents give to the Spanish term for well-educated, "bien educados." For some parents this is a term that they often use in relating and referring to their children; with other parents it is a term that was and/or is used by grandparents and other elders. Inevitably, the definition that parents of Hispanic descent offer always includes the social/interpersonal meaning, with its emphasis on proper social behavior.

Then the instructor engages the parents in defining exactly what they mean by referring to a child as "bien educados." The instructor asks them to indicate the specific behaviors that a child who is "bien educados" would display, such as cooperative and respectful ways of relating to parents, sisters, brothers and classmates.

Then the parents are informed that the program is designed to provide them with additional skills and strategies for bringing out more of the child behaviors they define as reflective of a child who is "bien educados." These skills include the art of effective praising, and providing attention and other rewards after and not before the child does chores and homework (the "first you work, then you play" skill).

The instructor further indicates that the program also helps parents deal productively with those behaviors they define as reflective of a child who is "mal educados," where limit-setting and verbal confrontation skills are taught. In a particularly illuminating session, the program promotes a discussion of the ways that traditional male and female roles are changing and the conflicts and misunderstandings that result.

Thus, what is taught throughout the entire program is framed around a value and meaning that has particular cultural importance to the parents, and which makes the program and its teachings familiar and relevant.

CICC created this national model program in the early 1980s and has trained over 1500 instructors from schools and agencies nationwide to run it with the parents they serve. Most of the skills that are taught in the program are from a basic child management program for all parents, called the Confident Parenting Program. Thus, the Los Ninos Bien Educados Program would be considered as child management program that is culturally-adpated.

CICC has found that the program's emphasis on the social/interpersonal meaning of being well-educated with its focus on knowing ones place and role in the family, also resonates extremely well with families of Asian descent. Indeed, several agencies and schools that serve Asian American families have selected Los Ninos Bien Educados as their parenting program of choice, because of these cultural similarities.

How You and Your Community Can Benefit from this Program

To learn how you can bring the Los Ninos Bien Educados Program to your community through having instructors trained to deliver it, click here.

To learn how CICC can send an instructor to your area to lead a one-day seminar in this program for groups of parents, click here.

To obtain the Parents Handbooks and other materials from the program in English, click here.

To obtain the Parents Handbooks and other materials from the program in Spanish, click here.

Parenting and the President - Part 2 - Honoring Parents

The four part National Effective Parenting Plan (which was outlined in Part 1 of this series, which appeared on August 18, 2009) is intended to provide the President of the United States and other elected leaders with a series of actions they can take to make effective parenting and parenting education community and national priorities.

The first two parts have to do with acknowledging and honoring those parents who are already involved in seeking out and receiving parenting education to be the most effective and knowledgeable mothers and fathers they can be. When someone is honored for something, it reflects that that "thing" is very important to the community.

There now exists in the United States the best parenting skill-building programs in the world. These are programs that teach excellent nurturing and disciplining skills, and which help parents to raise responsible and caring children. These types of programs, which are often taught as classes through schools, churches, synagogues, hospitals, and community agencies, first became available in the late 1960s with the grandaddy of parenting skill-building programs, P.E.T., Parent Effectiveness Training, which was authored by the late, great psychologist, Dr. Thomas Gordon.

P.E.T. was designed as a program for all parents, regardless of cultural background, age of children and the life circumstances of parents (social class). Since then an amazing array of similar skill building programs for parents of specific cultural backgrounds and different aged children have been developed. They too have proven to be very helpful to those fortunate enough to have them available in their communities. (See the following books for descriptions of many of these excellent programs, Parent Training Today: A Social Necessity, and The Positive Parent: Raising Healthy, Happy and Successful Children, Birth-Adolescence).

Many parents in the communities where these programs have become available have and continue to arrange their lives to enroll in these programs in order to become the best moms and dads they can be. They deserve to be recognized and applauded.

The first two parts of the Plan are directed at this type of acknowledgement. Part One is to have the President and other elected officials reward such parental commitments to effectiveness by providing special mention in their annual Parents Day Proclamations. Parents Day is a national holiday (enacted into law during the Clinton Administration) and it falls on the fourth Sunday of every July.

The second part is to begin issuing Certificates of Appreciation to parents who enroll in and complete such programs, just as some presidents and other government leaders have issued certificates of appreciation to students who perform well in school.

The next post in this series will indicate what has and is happening in regard to these two parts of the Plan, including our first efforts to directly engage President Obama in these matters. Then we will move on to parts three and four, White House Conferences on Effective Parenting and a government-supported Effective Parenting Initiative.

________________________________________________

How You Can Be Involved...

You can participate by commenting on this and future articles in The Parenting and the President series.

You can become supportive through letting the world know that it would be a better place if all children were raised by effective and sensitive parents who receive excellent parenting education. You can express such sentiments through signing our online Effective Parenting Petition (check here).

And /or you can become a member and supporter of the NEPI, the National Effective Parenting Initiative.

There are three types of memberships available, each of which has its own series of educational benefits and involvement opportunities. Click on the membership type you are most interested in learning about:

• Parent Membership
  
• Professional Membership
  
• Organization Affiliate

Your membership dues are not only used to provide the member benefits but to also support the various advocacy actions that are needed to bring these important matters to the attention of the president and the public in general. This entire effort is of a grassroots nature and membership dues, and funds that have been contributed to CICC over the years, are the only monies that are supporting it now.

For those of you who want to make a financial contribution but do not want to become members of NEPI, you can support this grassroots effort by making a tax-deductible contribution to CICC.

Click here to donate.

Parenting and the President - Part 1 - A National Effective Parenting Plan

The United States has some serious parenting-related problems that are costing billions of dollars to treat and manage.

These include...

• Child abuse and neglect,
  
• School dropout,
  
• Delinquency,
  
• Childhood obesity,
  
• Drug abuse, and
  
• Gang warfare.

These problems are making life in many of our communities unsafe and intolerable. These problems are wasting an amazing amount of human potential.

However, if we make it a child’s birthright to be raised by effective parents and we make parenting education available to every parent in every community, we can not only make our country an even better place to raise children, we can save billions of dollars in having to manage the consequences of ineffective parenting.

Those are some of the major goals of the National Effective Parenting Initiative (NEPI) and its hosting organization, the 35 year old, not-for-profit Center for the Improvement of Child Caring (CICC). It has been my great pleasure and pride to have founded both of these important organizations, and to be working to carry out their missions.

In terms of making it a child’s birthright to have effective parents who receive the best parenting education, it is necessary to (1) create the conditions and opportunities in every community where parents can receive such education and support, and (2) motivate all parents to take advantage.

To that end, we have generated a four part approach that involves our elected leaders in helping to create the needed conditions and services. This includes asking the President of the United States to play a primary leadership role.

Part One - Acknowledge parents who do receive parenting education in annual Parents Day Proclamations.

Part Two - Issue Certificates of Appreciation to parents who enroll in and complete parenting classes.

Part Three - Convene White House Conferences on Effective Parenting to showcase the best parenting education programs and research.

Part Four - Establish a federal government-sponsored Effective Parenting Initiative with appropriate departments, institutes and training centers to insure that all communities have available the best possible parenting education information and programs.

Other institutions, such as the business community, the entertainment industry, philanthropy and the faith community, also can and should play important roles. But government, because it has the ultimate responsibly for insuring that life, liberty and pursuit of happiness becomes a reality for all citizens, is where we have chosen to focus our efforts at this time.

Together we have termed the four part approach a National Effective Parenting Plan. In subsequent posts in this series, I will detail the parts of the plan, and indicate what progress is being made. This will include updating you on our efforts to reach and involve President Obama.

________________________________________________

How You Can Be Involved...

You can participate by commenting on this and future articles in The Parenting and the President series.

You can become supportive through letting the world know that it would be a better place if all children were raised by effective and sensitive parents who receive excellent parenting education. You can express such sentiments through signing our online Effective Parenting Petition (check here).

And /or you can become a member and supporter of the NEPI, the National Effective Parenting Initiative.

There are three types of memberships available, each of which has its own series of educational benefits and involvement opportunities. Click on the membership type you are most interested in learning about:

• Parent Membership
  
• Professional Membership
  
• Organization Affiliate

Your membership dues are not only used to provide the member benefits but to also support the various advocacy actions that are needed to bring these important matters to the attention of the president and the public in general. This entire effort is of a grassroots nature and membership dues, and funds that have been contributed to CICC over the years, are the only monies that are supporting it now.

For those of you who want to make a financial contribution but do not want to become members of NEPI, you can support this grassroots effort by making a tax-deductible contribution to CICC.

Click here to donate.

Effective Parenting = Dropout Prevention

The dropout rate in many inner city schools that serve African American children is a shockingly high 50 percent. What a horrible waste of life and human potential!

The best place to begin to turn this unacceptable situation around is where children learn the value and importance of education, the home.

When the Center for the Improvement of Child Caring (CICC) created the Effective Black Parenting Program 25 years ago, we incorporated this motivational necessity by framing the parenting skills and strategies that are taught in the program within what we have called The Pyramid of Success for Black Children (shown above).

Indeed, the first session of this 15 session educational program begins by engaging the parents in a “call and response” dialogue that has the parents asking themselves what are their life goals for their children. The program then discusses the qualities and characteristics that the children need to develop in order to achieve the goals and indicates what parents need to do to in order to bring out those qualities in their children. Two of the goals that invariably emerge from this teaching approach are “good jobs” and “good educations.”

Then the program goes on to teach parents such skills and strategies as Effective Praising and the Thinking Parents Approach. The instructor lets the parents know that by learning and applying these with their children they are insuring that they are on “The Path to the Pyramid of Success for Black Children.” And parents get it, and begin using the skills and strategies with their children. And then they see fine improvements in their children’s behavior and in their relationships with them.

Such insurance should be the birthright of every child, regardless of culture or life circumstance. If we made sure that all parents received this sort of inspiration and training, it would not be unrealistic to expect the dropout rate to decrease and that more young people would lead productive and healthy lives.

To learn how to bring the Effective Black Parenting Program to your community through having local instructors trained to deliver it, click here.

Parenting and Children's Social Networking

Common Sense Media has released the results of a national poll of teens and parents on social networking behaviors. The poll, conducted by The Benenson Strategy Group, illustrated that kids increasingly connect with friends, classmates, and people with similar interests through social networks - and that parents are out of the loop.

According to the article, "Teens are using social networks to share information, make connections, and develop their identities in new, exciting ways. But when teens communicate either anonymously or through a disguised identity, the doors are left wide open for them to not be held accountable. That kind of communication also leads to a disconnect between actions and their consequences, which is how irresponsible behaviors like cyberbullying become a reality."

It goes on to say, "Parents are the first line of defense when it comes to helping kids use the same senses of responsibility and self-respect in their online worlds as they do offline. Common Sense Media urges families to keep up regular conversations about life in a digital world and what it means to be safe, smart digital citizens."

To gain broader insights on how parents can relate to their kids involvement with the world of technology see my book, The Positive Parent: Raising Healthy, Happy and Successful Children -- Birth through Adolescence, for relevant guidance (http://www.positiveparent.info/).

Also see a wonderful book by my good friend, Dr. Larry Rosen, an expert on Internet Psychology, wrote recently. It is titled http://ciccparenting.org/catalogitem.asp?ci=709&cid=&c=1Me, MySpace and I: Parenting the Net Generation. It is not only full of good advice for parents but also contains the results of numerous studies Dr. Rosen has conducted himself.

To read the entire Common Sense Media article, click here.

Family Time-Out from Technology

Author and Parent Advocate Sue Scheff writes on the Examiner.com website, "As a parent we need to be sure our teens are prepared not only with school supplies, but more importantly, with the self-esteem and motivation to have a fantastic academic and social year."

She goes on to say, "Parents and their teens need to take the time to open their lines of communication and turn off technology. Creating a “family-time-out” as part of your evening schedule can help you become more in tune to your child’s life; both at school and socially."

According to Sue, "Take at least 15 minutes each evening and turn off all electronics. Including TV, cell phones, Computers, telephones (don’t answer), radio, Ipods, etc. Many families find that doing this in the later evening is easier; around 8:30-9:00pm after dinner when parents are home from their jobs and have had time to unwind."

This is great advice. Give it a try.

I have also written about the need for parents to become managers of their children and teen's exposure to and use of technology and media. The best place to find my views on this particularly contemporary parenting challenge is in my latest book, The Positive Parent: Raising Healthy, Happy and Successful Children, Birth-Adolosecence (www.positiveparent.info).

The Monetary Costs of Parenting

The costs of raising kids these days is higher than ever. A federal government report (Department of Agriculture's Center for Nutrition Policy and Promotion) indicates that a middle-income family with a child born last year will spend about $221,000 raising that child through age 17. The largest single expense is housing, followed by food and child care/education. The $221,000 in expenses rises to about $292,000 when adjusted for inflation.

For parents below the middle class and who are employed, i.e., working parents with incomes of less than $35,463 (or less than $40,463 if filing a joint income tax return), there is at least an Earned Income Tax Credit that can be used to offset these expenses. They can receive up to $160 per month if they know how to apply. Unfortuntely the vast majority of working parents do not take advantage.

The nonprofit, parenting organization I founded in 1974, the Center for the Improvement of Child Caring, (www.ciccparenting.org) is working on a project to facilitate such parents knowing how to apply and therefore obtain these badly needed monies.

I will keep you informed in future posts.

Parental Poignancy, Home Videos and Fiddler on the Roof

The musical "Fiddler on the Roof" always evokes in me strong parental emotions. Seeing a stage version last saturday night with my wife and one of our daughters, 23 year old Brittany, was no exception, especially after having viewed home videos of Brittany and sister, Lisa, as little girls dancing and prancing on the beach in Lake Tahoe during an annual family vacation. Their beauty and joyfulness were as majestic as the shimmering lake itself!

Then to see and hear the great actor, Topol, play the beleagured daddy, Tevye, was almost more than this proud papa could take. I cried throughout the excellent performance and especially during the singing of "Sunrise, Sunset."

Cultures Helping Cultures to be Better Parents

Parenting training and education that is specific to a particular cultural group is both highly valued and somewhat controversial. It is valued because parenting programs designed for specific groups include education and skill-training that relates to and improves those facets of parenting that are particular to a specific group, whether or not these aspects are consciously or unconsciously recognized. They are also highly valued because they respect and honor the traditions and life circumstances of the families from a specific cultural group. Such targeted programing is somewhat controversial because some people, including professional parent educators, believe that parenting poses the same challenges and demands for everyone, and therefore any good parenting program should be sufficient.

The Feather River Tribal Health organization in Oroville, California is a firm believer in making parenting services culturally-specific, and not just for their own people. Their mission is "to elevate the health status of the American Indian people in our service area and all people in our communities to the highest level possible through a comprehensive system of preventive and therapeutic services." Last year they sponsored a workshop in their area to train educators and instructors from their and other agencies to deliver the Effective Black Parenting program for parents of African American children. They are now in the process of preparing to offer instructor training workshops in the Los Ninos Bien Educados program for parents of Latino-American children, and in the Asian American Parenting Program for those agencies and schools that work with the parents of Hmong and other Pacific Asian cultures. The Feather River Tribal organization clearly appreciates and acts to ensure that the rainbow of groups in their area receives culturally-specific parenting services and programs.

What do you think about creating and using culturally-specific parenting services?